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Letter to Dr Robert Lyons​
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2017
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46 Anaconda Dr
North Haven, SA 5018
+61 (0) 403551012
5 February, 2017
Dr Robert Lyons
Hewitt House
138 Fullarton Rd
Rose Park, SA 6067
8431 6244
8431 6156 (fax)
Dear Dr Robert Lyons,
The following is to provide an inventory of personal issues with gender identity:
Especially from puberty, but also in the earliest memories I have that concern emotional reactions, encountering reflections of myself has consistently resulted in confusion, and frequently, a felt-need to hide, or, less generally, to as it were repress behaviours which felt/feel 'natural'. These felt-needs are motivated by feelings of shame and disgust, and have with unrepresentative frequency been paralysing for me; causing what for lack of an accurate medical term I've been calling 'catatonic episodes'. Mentally, these are characterised by (let's call it) 'enormous darkness', and a belief in inevasible, impending death by suicide. Very much a 'sense of impending doom', but with specificity and intended complicity.
Reactions to own genitalia/body, vocal stimuli, and certain clothing are not dissimilar, with the latter two behaving more anxiogenically, as opposed to the genital/bodily-reaction, which is more depressogenic, and more in line with the above-described general reactions. In contrast, then, as it were, to masculine presentation's anxiogenic effect, feminine presentation has consistently been anxiolytic. Wearing women's clothing and makeup and - on the off occasion I've (very briefly) managed it - effecting a feminine voice will produce a calming and energising response, as to a milder extent will various methods of artistic and cognitive 'escapism': e.g.: internal self-reference by a chosen, rather than legal name; woman-gendered self-visualisation; reading; and focused identification with characters in videogames.
As there is no gender-identifying aspect of myself I wouldn't prefer was re-gendered, it occurs to me that a good move from here might be to investigate transitioning. Ideal would be the soonest available appointment.
(And — N.B. — may I add that in the event of a cancellation, I’m willing to come at short notice.)
Regards,
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